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A breakup can turn your world upside down Susan Cosier LiveScience Contributor A breakup can turn your world upside down, making it feel like you don't know who you are anymore. And you might not, according to a new study. "We know that relationships change the way we think about ourselves," lead author Erica Slotter, a psychology Ph.D. candidate at Northwestern University in Illinois, told LiveScience. "When a relationship ends, that sense of self ends." Couples often share friends, do the same things in their free time, and talk about the future. They say things like, "We like traveling," and finish each other's sentences. The more committed they are to one another, the harder it is for them to distinguish their individual differences, the researchers describe in the February issue of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. "There's some overlap between my self and my partner's self, they say," Slotter explained. When the couple breaks up, "all those pieces that they shared are not meaningful anymore, because the relationship is defunct." And not having a clear idea of who you are without your partner can lead to emotional distress, the authors write. You Complete Me The researchers conducted three studies to figure out how their undergraduate volunteers thought of themselves during and after their relationships. In the first, one group of Northwestern students answered questionnaires asking whether they changed their appearance, activities, social circle, future plans, or values after going through a breakup. The results showed that the participants experienced a moderate, but significant change in their perception of themselves, saying that their values or beliefs changed, or that they altered their appearances after their last relationship ended. Another set of students who indicated they were in a relationship answered questions about how they imagined they might change if the romance ended. Results showed the more committed a participant was to the relationship, the more that person thought he or she would change after a breakup. In the second study, Slotter and her colleagues looked at diary entries, or blogs, that referenced life-changing events like a breakup or a career change. They found that of 76 diaries, people who wrote about a breakup had a hazier idea of who they were, using words like "confuse," "uncertain," and "bewilder" more often than those who wrote about other experiences. The findings suggested individuals who had gone through romantic breakups had a more muddled self perception. Healing the Whole To find out more about how breakups and the loss of a clear sense of self affected emotional well-being, the research team had 69 college freshmen participate in a six-month study. Participants were interviewed and asked filled out questionnaires every other week. During that timeframe, more than a third of the participants' relationships ended. Those students who had split up with partners were more emotionally distressed at the end of the study, the analysis shows. "Romantic relationships can provide some of the richest emotional rewards of adulthood, but they can also leave us achingly vulnerable," the researchers write. Uncovering that individuals change the way they think about themselves when entwined in a romantic relationship, how that changes when they break up, and the resulting emotional stress, could help individuals keep their chins up post breakup. "From a research standpoint, it's a totally new piece of the puzzle," said Slotter, who plans to expand upon her work. "The research that we're doing right now is looking into how the self might be repaired after a relationship ends," she said. |
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3/12/2010 1:37 pm |
I doubt that. she will only abstain by choice, but many simply try to find someone they can hook up with, who won't get hung up and try and turn it into an immediate relationship. they prefer to know, they can cut off the arrangement, without him going ballistic.. besides women make very good sex, after a break up, the guy who gets some of that, is in for a treat 
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爱的真谛 爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈； 爱是不嫉妒；爱是不自夸，不张狂，不作害羞的事，不求自己的益处，不轻易发怒，不计算人的恶，不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理；凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。爱是永不止息。（圣经林前13：4-8） Love is patient, love is kind {and} is not jealous; love does not brag {and} is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong {suffered, } does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; （Bible 1Co13:4- 圣经金句与您共勉！ 愿上帝祝保佑你！新年蒙恩！ 耶稣爱你，愿主祝福你！
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3/13/2010 6:18 am |
Interesting 
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