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| Blogs > Jon27Chicago > 天长地久的爱情 |
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Remption to the past It has been a year since my relationship with my ex-wife ended; maybe it was ended long ago, but me just too foolish that I didn’t see it. She been sticking around and hope I can change, but I guess I disappointed her too much and she have lost that love feeling and hope for me. After a year of separation, I finally come clear that all these years was my wrong doing, I stop blaming everyone for my misfortunes. I know she is hurt really bad from inside, no matter how much that I may have changed, for better or worst, she just won’t consider to open her heart to me anymore. I hope that thru the lessons that I learn from life, I may never make those mistake again, Maybe I was never deserved to marry her, but I was push things around and manipulating. When I think back, I was young and immature, caused a lot of pain to people around me, I remember when I station in Korea, which is the best time I had in my life. After another unsuccessful relation with another girl, I met my wife, I guess I took her as replacement, but, you may not replace anyone in your life, because everyone is different, no matter how much you pretend that she is someone else, she may never be. I guess some how after 6 years that we been together, I finally learn to love someone, but everything was too late for my relationship, because it ended in a very bad note. Before I got married, I promised myself that I will devote all my time in the world for the one I loved, but I was never able to live up to my own expectation, I was gone a lot, due to the fact I was in the military, I went to field train a lot, and I got deployed for war pretty much back to back, after Afghanistan I went to Iraq for another mission. The time I spend with her was very little after we got married, I suffered for depression and later Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I can not communicated with my ex wife, after holding so much from inside I guess I finally went crazy. I am seriously don’t want any pity from anyone, but all I want is an understanding from my ex-wife and the people around me, but after all that she have went through, I don’t think she is able to open up her heart to try to understand me anymore. After a year I got out of the military, I felt that I finally able to live like a normal human being. I was able to talk about my feelings, and clam myself Growing up, some time can be mean of many things, after I read Thomas’s article, I was pretty inspirited. I felt that I was an Adult with mind that he was talking about, I don’t want to living in denial, I just want to LIVED, at least with a more beautiful life and able to redeem myself. 
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3/7/2006 7:36 am |
Anyong haseyo.... I assuming you know Han gul. "...I suffered for depression and later Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I can not communicated with my ex wife, after holding so much from inside I guess I finally went crazy..." It's hard to admit, but some things are hard say without sharing a common experience. Some people have to "walk a mile in my boots" or "see what I see" to relate.
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3/7/2006 8:00 am |
Redemption will come when you recognize what you did might have been wrong....and then realizing people can accept you as you are, faults and all. I have been uncommitted for the last 14 years, by choice. I did not want to get married again, afraid the same mistakes would happen again. Things change, give it time.
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