醉生梦死
|
Posted:Mar 12, 2006 3:04 am
Last Updated:Apr 5, 2006 1:18 am 4762 Views
|
在很久以前，有一种酒叫做醉生梦死。
Long ago, there is a brand of wine call "the Drunken alive and Dream Death"
传说喝了它的人，就会忘记过去。
Legend Has said that when someone drink it, they will forget about the past.
我曾企图用一转身的回忆忘记我的过去。
I have try hard to forget everything that I have remember.
我也曾奢望离开自己来找寻自己的存在。
I also have try to leave my body to find the presence of myself.
醉和梦是两种纠缠不清的状态。
Drunken and Dream is two of a kind that somewhat connected.
一种支离破碎的回忆也能让我魂牵梦绕。
A single pieces of memory has make me dream of chain of nightmares.
有时我又清醒的觉得眼前的这一切不是真的。
Sometimes when I was awake, I felt everything in front of me is unreal.
自己不是真的，这都是一场梦。
I am not real, everything just like a long long dream.
这梦使我执着的认为它是真实的存在。
These dreams has make me believed that is the presence of reality.
并且也使我自己清楚的觉得我不是在梦中。
Also it make me realize that I am not in dreams.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
My Blog
|
Posted:Mar 11, 2006 8:10 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2006 10:37 pm 4345 Views
|
When I start writing my Blog I was try to write a lot of positive stuff, but somehow I end up writing a lot about my depressing past, I guess that is one way for me to learn about life and for other not to make the same mistake I made, at least that what I hope.
当我开始写我的部落格, 我是尝试写很多正面材料, 但是我结果写了很多关于我不开心的过去， 我猜测是我想得知生命意义，并且为其人不会做同样我做的差错，至少我希望是。
I always try to be positive about life, even I felt depress all the time, but seriously I don’t want to complain, I guess a lot of thing is “what is done is done, and something happened for a reason”
我总是想要开心地生活，均匀我的感觉一直不开心，但是我不要抱怨，很多事是做了是不可以回头, 并且事发生了为某原因.
We can not be conscious about what we are doing all the time, mistakes sometimes can be very beautiful, when we able to look back, maybe we felt upset that we did something that turn out to be a negative outcome at the time, we can laugh about it when we able to overcome our feelings and emotion burdens.
我们是无法神志清楚的关于我们一切, 差 错能有时是非常美丽的，当我们能回头看，我们可能感觉做了某事当时是一个消极的结果，当我们能克服我们的感觉和情感负担， 我们能笑笑人生。
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
I will try 我会尝试
|
Posted:Mar 10, 2006 5:26 am
Last Updated:Apr 5, 2006 1:18 am 4074 Views
|
I think I have forgotten it all already the fact that you have left me,
我认为我已经全部忘记您离去我的事实
This is how I am such a childish fool,
我是这样一个幼稚的傻瓜
When the phone rings thinking that it woul be you,
当电话敲响了, 我认为这会是您
Habits are hard to get rid of; I really can’t help it,
习惯是难摆脱的, 我也无能为力,
I am more used to love than separation.
我是习惯爱比分离更多的.
I will try to forget you, even it is difficult, and I will try...
我将会忘记您, 甚而这是困难的,但我会
尝试...
Just as our love and memories never were.
好象我们的爱和记忆从未发生过
Unconsciously I bought something for you while shopping,
我不自觉地为您买了东西当购物时,
I realized I was foolish so I put it down silently
我体会了我的愚蠢,我把他默默的放下
When a good movie is released
当一部好电影被发行
I think on my own that I have to see this movie with you.
我自认为, 我必须与您看这部电影
Haven’t you ever done that? Not even once?
您曾经那样做过吗? 一次也没有吗?
Did you get over me as soon as we were separated?
我们分离了,您已经忘记了我吗?
I will try to change like you have done,
我设法改变自已, 如您一样,
I will find another love
我会寻找其它爱我的人
When time passes, I would become accustomed to someone else
当通过时间, 我也会习惯别人的
I will try to forget you, even it is difficult, and I will try，
我将会忘记您, 甚而这是困难的,但我会
尝试
Just as our love and memories never were…
好象我们的爱和记忆从未发生过。。。
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
I believe 我相信
|
Posted:Mar 10, 2006 5:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2006 1:41 am 3439 Views
|
Do you still remember that promise?
您仍然记住那个诺言吗?
Do you think you could recognize me?
您认为您能认出我吗?
I remember the words that was written on your desk
我记住那个诺言写在您的书桌
On the day you left
在您离开那天
Today is the day of that promise
今天是那个诺言
I know you can’t come back
我知道您无法回来
And that I won’t be able to see you again
并且那我不会能再看您
Are you really not living in this same world?
您是不存在这个同样世界里吗?
I wish I have mistaken everything
我希望我弄错了一切
As I wait for you where we promised
因为我等您在我们许诺了的地方
I knew we were meant to be together
我知道我们被认为会一起
Even though we never spoke with affection
即使我们从未讲了充满爱的话
When I realized why you looked so sad
当我意识到为什么看您很哀伤
I tried not to show my feelings
我设法显示我的感觉
You told me we should keep in touch
您告诉我，我们应该保持联系
But where are you now?
但您现在是在哪里?
I know you can’t come back
我知道您无法回来
And that I won’t be able to see you again
并且那我不会能再看您
I believe, I believe, I believe…
我相信
You really not living in this same world
您是不存在这个同样世界里
I wish I have mistaken everything
我希望我弄错了一切
As I wait for you where we promised
因为我等您在我们许诺了的地方
I believe, I believe, I believe…
我相信
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
A letter to my ex-wife wich i never mailed
|
Posted:Mar 9, 2006 8:11 am
Last Updated:Apr 2, 2006 12:15 am 3287 Views
|
I digged thought the letter I wrote to my ex-wife, and I found this letter in the box, which I never mail it out...
Dear Rina,
I've been missing you, and I was try to moving on in my life without thinking you, I was try to face my problem with all that I have, but it was never easy, the road to redemption was long and difficult, I just try to be a better human being, at least, that way, I hope that I able to make up some of the mistake that I have done in my life. I have been pretty sick these couple days, I had fever, I was sleeping though the weekend, I often dream of you, I miss those days that you were by my side, and I holding you in my arm.
My aunt Linda have invited me for dinner lastnight, and one of my older cousin was there, he got married couple years back then, and he have a , I was so jealous in my heart, I could have a family, but depression just eating me up and I wasn¡¯t able to upkeep the family that we started, it was all my fault, after dinner we were have a very heartily talk, and I told him that it was all my fault that my marriage didn¡¯t work out, at least now I am on this long lost road of redemption. He ask me why didn¡¯t I try to meet someone new, and I told him that I just can't let you go in my heart, I have so much regrets. I know you are not listening to my repines, but for some reason that I just want to write to you, and never mail it.
I could never imagine that you could ever forgive me, but I try my best to ask for forgiveness, I just want you to know that even I wasn¡¯t a good husband or a good human being, deep inside my heart I was always loved you, I could never imagine that we have a chance that ever get back to what it was before, where we were happy then, that is why I come to the conclusion that I will sign the divorce paper work for you, at least I hope you were happier that way.
How was your mother, sisters and brother, please give them my deepest apology that I wasn¡¯t able to be a good husband, that I wasn¡¯t able to take care of you through this year, I have so much mental struggle, and I was away for the War, I can only blame myself that I wasn¡¯t able to pull myself out, I didn¡¯t have the chance to cherish the love that you try to share with me, even you forgave my many wrong deeds and still decided to marry me.
I am not try to force you to love me anymore, I know in your heart have all this anger and rage towards me, I just hope that at least I try to talk with you and you be able to feel better, you can yell at me, if that suit your heart, I am not begging for your pity, I just don¡¯t want you to walk the same path as I did. I just hope that God can forgive me for my wrong doing all these years.
I don¡¯t want to blame the past anymore, and I don¡¯t¡¯ want to blame you for my misfortunes, I loved you, and I still do, I just hope that I can continue able to bare the pain of regret, and be a better human being. I hope you doing well, attend church service like I do, I know you are a devote Christian and not losing faith in yourself. I am not try to be selfish about my emotion anymore, I open up my heart and let go of a lot of things that been bothering me, I hope you can do the same as well.
Truely,
Jon...
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Giving up
|
Posted:Mar 7, 2006 5:10 am
Last Updated:Mar 11, 2006 9:33 am 3373 Views
|
People may give up many things in their life time, personally, I also have given up sometime in my life, but not purposely; due to the given situation and quality of a person, give up maybe seem to be the way out. I have experienced a sour marriage, to the point that I am so depress that I decided to give up my career in the military, without encouragement, proper motivation, and other support elements people tend to give up in their life. A divorce, separation or death of a loved one, such of a big discouragement may cause dramatic impact on a person; therefore, people would give up on their life, out of depression and desperation.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Remption to the past
|
Posted:Mar 7, 2006 4:57 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2006 10:46 am 3118 Views
|
It has been a year since my relationship with my ex-wife ended; maybe it was ended long ago, but me just too foolish that I didn’t see it. She been sticking around and hope I can change, but I guess I disappointed her too much and she have lost that love feeling and hope for me.
After a year of separation, I finally come clear that all these years was my wrong doing, I stop blaming everyone for my misfortunes. I know she is hurt really bad from inside, no matter how much that I may have changed, for better or worst, she just won’t consider to open her heart to me anymore. I hope that thru the lessons that I learn from life, I may never make those mistake again,
Maybe I was never deserved to marry her, but I was push things around and manipulating. When I think back, I was young and immature, caused a lot of pain to people around me, I remember when I station in Korea, which is the best time I had in my life.
After another unsuccessful relation with another girl, I met my wife, I guess I took her as replacement, but, you may not replace anyone in your life, because everyone is different, no matter how much you pretend that she is someone else, she may never be. I guess some how after 6 years that we been together, I finally learn to love someone, but everything was too late for my relationship, because it ended in a very bad note.
Before I got married, I promised myself that I will devote all my time in the world for the one I loved, but I was never able to live up to my own expectation, I was gone a lot, due to the fact I was in the military, I went to field train a lot, and I got deployed for war pretty much back to back, after Afghanistan I went to Iraq for another mission. The time I spend with her was very little after we got married, I suffered for depression and later Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I can not communicated with my ex wife, after holding so much from inside I guess I finally went crazy.
I am seriously don’t want any pity from anyone, but all I want is an understanding from my ex-wife and the people around me, but after all that she have went through, I don’t think she is able to open up her heart to try to understand me anymore. After a year I got out of the military, I felt that I finally able to live like a normal human being. I was able to talk about my feelings, and clam myself
Growing up, some time can be mean of many things, after I read Thomas’s article, I was pretty inspirited. I felt that I was an Adult with mind that he was talking about, I don’t want to living in denial, I just want to LIVED, at least with a more beautiful life and able to redeem myself.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
Airborne School
|
Posted:Mar 7, 2006 4:53 am
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2006 9:43 pm 3651 Views
|
Parachuting, the first time I parachuted was from a military aircraft on the sky of Fort Benning, Georgia, I have never thought that I would do such daring thing in my life, and with extra hundred pounds of equipments strapped to my body, it was an experience that I would never forget. I attended the Basic Airborne Course in Fort Benning, Georgia; The Airborne School has U.S. Army “Blackhat cadre and instructors from the USMC and USAF to train students in the use of the Static Line Deployed Parachute. The Basic Airborne Course is divided into three training weeks: Ground Training Week, Tower Training Week, and Jump Training Week. The training starts at the individual level and progresses to a team effort. The purpose of the Course is to use of the parachute as a means of combat deployment. This qualification is accomplished by: First, developing the student's confidence though repetitious training to overcome the student's natural fears of jumping from an aircraft while in flight. Second, maintaining the level of physical fitness required of a military parachutist through daily physical training. At last, the course attempts to develop Cadets with sense of leadership, self-confidence, and an aggressive spirit through mental and physical conditioning.
During Ground Week, all students will begin an intensive program of instruction to build individual airborne skills, prepare the students to make a parachute jump, and land safely. The students will train on the mock door, the 34-foot tower, and the lateral drift apparatus (LDA). In order to go forward to Tower Training Week, the student must individually qualify on the 34-foot tower, the LDA, and pass all Physical Training requirements.
The individual skills learned during Ground Week are refined during Tower Week and a team effort or "mass exit" concept is added to the training. The apparatuses used this week are the 34-foot towers, the swing landing trainer (SLT), the mock door for mass exit training, and the suspended harness. Tower Week completes the student’s individual skill training and builds team effort skills. To go forward to Jump Training Week the student must qualify on the SLT, master the mass exit procedures from the 34-foot tower, and also pass all Physical Training requirements.
After successfully completed the previous weeks of training, the student is ready for Jump Week. During the final week of training, the students are requiring to perform five combat operation jumps from the aircraft by use Static Line Deployed Parachute. This is the real challenge in my life, with the wind drag me out of the aircraft, I was free fall for a good ten second until I felt the drag from the static liner, and then I was gradually decent to the ground. It was the most exciting experience that I have; I felt that I have conquered my fears of high; exiting from an aircraft that are 900 to 1100 foots off the ground, and safely landed on the designated area. I have successfully completed my course of training in the Airborne School in Fort Benning, Georgia, and I was awarded the Basic Parachutist Badge.
Jump out form an aircraft was the most daring experience that I had, and attending the Airborne School made that experience came true, the Airborne School have helped me to overcome the natural fears of jumping from an aircraft while in flight, and the School also have developed me with sense of leadership, self-confidence, and an aggressive spirit through mental and physical conditioning. Airborne soldiers have a long and distinguished tradition of being an elite body of fighting men and women, and people who have always set the example for determination and courage.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
