Golf Claps and Parade Waves
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Posted:Jan 25, 2008 8:37 am
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2008 7:05 pm 4337 Views
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In life I often come across gestures people make that do not really convey sincerity but custom and polite manners dictate you make them.I do not know if I prefer the fake handshake or the nod of recognition.the how are you?and meaning how are you really?or a surly whats up?I mean really no one expects you to answer truthfully.It is just a predetermined set of social customs that reaffirms that everything is all right between the two parties.I find the measure of how a person feels about you can be summed up in the level of sincerity in which they listen to your answer,or if they even listen at all.yes,its a busy world but that doesn't mean you can't take the time to really mean it when you say"have a nice day!"Let down the Guard of the mask that everyone wears and let your eyes show those who we do care about that we mean it. It will only cost a thought.  
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The Beautiful Bower Bird Begging to be Beatified
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Posted:Jan 24, 2008 5:06 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2024 1:24 pm 4278 Views
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(To Beatify is to make Blissful,or Joyful)
In New Guinea ther are some wonderful birds,they are called Bower birds after the habit of constructing an elaborate bower or nest for the female.If,after going through so much trouble,and if you ever saw what they build,it is a lot of trouble,if the female does not like it,she simply flies away.I feel crestfallen for the poor bird,as to me,it seems quite a magnificent work of Art.There does not to my eye seem to be anything wrong with the dwelling,and the female never fills out any questionaire as to why it was rejected.perhaps,as in on line web sights,as I have just found out,she has many to choose from.Here on this website,I find that one woman got dozens of responses and does not even have a picture,so she informed me,if she were to put up her picture,the response would have been cubed.I feel Like am the unbeatified bower bird,here is my bower and away they fly,poor birdy!!!  
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The Dying Dream
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Posted:Jan 20, 2008 6:41 pm
Last Updated:Jan 21, 2008 3:07 pm 4737 Views
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The Diesel Drones on...the endless miles roll by on my way to Mammoth Lakes,Ca another job in another nowhere that is somebodys somewhere but not mine...I begin to fade out of conscious thought and remember the sound of the powerful bomber engines on the B-24 droning on,the reoccuring memory of My Uncle Bill I never met who dies in WWII and realized the importance of the Ploesti raid,the Nazi war machine would be crippled without oil and gasoline to run on,and Ploesti Romania was where the refinery was,and where we had to go,I rechecked my charts for the 10th time and waited for the fighters,I heard the side gunners cock their fiftys and my heart jumped into my throat as the com system cracked alive with adrenalin and the raised pitch of their fear "Bandits at six! Bandits at Six!" and the acrid smell of cordite as the guns blaze death at the Meschersmitt 109's blinking deadly flashes at the box formation. Brass casings spill on the floor of the rumbling bomber and make a singing ping as they bounce about the fuslage.The scream of the German fighters pass by in an instant as the "Tack Tack Tack!" of pieces flying off the bomber strike our ears as they blur by.Then they are gone and the for the moment I relax until the black clouds of flak start to explode all around us,pieces of shrapnel hit the plane like rocks striking the roof of a tin shed I remember from home in the back country.Then there is an explosion and the waist gunner explodes in a cloud of red and wind starts screaming through the broken plexiglass of where there was only one second before Sgt. James Canton,alive and scared,now dead and safe...I run to him but there was no him left,just part of him still recognizable,"Jimmys gone!" I scream into my headset"Roger that",said the captain in as much unemotion as he could master"Begining bomb run in mark 30...Standby bombardier...you have the helm....",then,I could feel the plane lift up as the bombs fell away."Bombs away Bombs away..." "Roger that,making my turn!" and I felt the plane turn as I prayed for speed I manned the now empty gun and screamed in fury and fear as I emptied the fifty at the tiny crosses flashing at us.One of them was flying straight for us and I fired and fired and felt pieces of aluminum breaking up around me and the olive drab of the boxy B-24 opened up to the bright sky,it was so bright and blue and white,and I felt warm,though the cold wind whistled by and looked down at the black Bomber jacket I wore,the white fleece yellowed by cigarette smoke was now red with color.I felt warm,how nice...,as long as I could hear the engines turning,I knew I was safe,I felt sleepy,the engines were turning,I was safe and warm.I drifted,my vision was bright white, and I felt the plane turn and buck and prayed for speed and home while the flak continued to bat the plane about and spatter our formation with random death. The engines droned on and helpless I saw planes flop out of the sky in no particular order by the flak and then the fighters that came back at us,I continued to man the fifty as in a dream and fired at the planes as they harrassed our formation...the wind screaming in my ears,the cold,the cold was so bone penetrating! but I was getting warmer,how strange,I drifted off again... I woke to the sound of a box fan blowing on me and wonder why I always have the same dream...then,The road snapped back into my brain and suddenly,I was sixty miles away from where I was,somebodys somewhere in the middle of no where... 
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The Nature of Nature
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Posted:Jan 12, 2008 10:27 pm
Last Updated:Jan 13, 2008 8:49 am 5115 Views
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The natural order of things often gives me pause to make my eyes rain.I know that for there to be winners in the world some must also lose their way.I am sad for this fact,to know that the laws of absolution dictate that there must be some big winners,some big losers and the rest are just average lengths on the wheel of fate.I wish everyone can win,everyone can be happy~!~!~!I wish there was no hunger or sickness or pain,how can I effect this without taking away vital energy for my own survival?is that too selfish?is that America?is that Human nature? why won't someone else say anything?A voice in the wilderness... 
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Fulcrum of Solitude
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Posted:Jan 9, 2008 4:28 pm
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2008 10:27 pm 4250 Views
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There is a tipping point at which the need for solitude to hear yourself think or the want to be alone goes beyond the abilty to socialize normally.I often wonder when and if I will reach this point but I often find myself growing too comfortable with solitary behavior I would not engage in if I were with someone.What kind?singing stupid songs,making weird noises,letting my room go on for too long.watching too much tv,I crave interaction with someone,but not the sort of interaction I would find at a bar or danceclub,but exchanges of ideas and discussions about things beyond the normal scope of media fodder.It is an Ourboros Worm,(a serpent that consumes its tail) to feed my need for knowledge as this tends to be a solitary task and I grow accustomed to it.I wish I could reach a point where I was completely happy to live in solitude,but there are too many ghosts inthe silence.Will I ever find the Key to silence the Ghosts and nurture the knowledge?Time Always Tells
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The Danger of Music
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Posted:Jan 7, 2008 7:54 pm
Last Updated:May 20, 2024 1:24 pm 4462 Views
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The extreme islamic fringe cults say that music is the fruit of the great satan,of course I think they are full of shit but the power of music to envoke memories and emotion reminds me of why I do not own but maybe five cds.As I cleaned and listened,it felt like my soul was being excised at the same time as throwing away a lot of items that I had refused to move for so long thinking she might leave her husband and come back again.I never meant to be involved with a married woman,but by the time she told me I was already in Love with her,and I hear the music and cry as I cleaned out the precious memories and wonder how I can ever hope to replace something so amazing.I am resolved to not live in pain,thats my right isn't it?it does not mean I Loved her any less,even after she went away.Like any simple animal I am only trying to get away from the hurtful things long enough to lick my wounds,but the memory in my soul will never sooth,or I would not fear the danger of music.I don't even play my guitar anymore,and I have so many songs I am actually proud of.It seems like this notion just gradually snuck up on me and I still like to hear myself think rather than lisent to something dangerous
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The Rain Inside
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Posted:Jan 3, 2008 3:13 pm
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2008 8:21 pm 5502 Views
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There are days when it seems to have steady downpour inside myself.My Heart is like a big dark cloud and I always hope for sunshine but my heart seems to reside in the rainforest.It is these times when I have a nice cup of tea and wish I could make tea for someone else,and then I think the clouds are full of tears because of the fact that water molecules are recycled and so it is unavoidable that some of them falling on the Earth were at one time falling tears, and I add a few more... 
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Career Perception Falsehoods
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Posted:Jan 2, 2008 3:14 pm
Last Updated:Jan 2, 2008 5:09 pm 5162 Views
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Dear Readers,it seems to me that many people I have written to have a false perception of what kind of person I am by what my Job is.They falsely assume that a blue collar man is somehow uncultured? monetarialy unstable?Not responsible?It is a mystery to me why someone stops writing me as soon as they find out what I do.In fact,I am certain I know things a bout their own culture they do not.The point is the perception of me as somehow unable to appreciate a person based on what I do is to me an indignity and blessing at the same time,I feel that to be in a realtionship with such a person who is soley attracted to a preconceived ideal means they would never be happy with who you are.I am happy with myself.I Love Myself and only by this can you have the capacity to Love another
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